Sunday, 12 May 2013

knowing yourself

The one who grasps the thousand contradictions of his life integrates them into a single whole.
—excerpt from poem by Rainer Maria Rilke

Close women friends, my husband and my mom (all in separate conversations) have shared every crucial conversation that inspired the changes in the past couple of years of my life. It feels like this has been a time of coming to know myself. A time full of contradictions.

Most of my life I felt lost. Without realizing it I was suppressing much of what was authentically me. I was fitting myself into the box I felt society celebrated. I was pleasing others.

Having my son was a gift in more than one way. It birthed new consciousness as well. I went through a dark period afterwards that ultimately pushed me to grow and learn about myself. As I have come to know myself better I have started to love myself more.

 [ love: digital illustration by ginger deverell ]

I find now, rather than focusing on what society expects, I'm drawn to seemingly unrelated things: Simple living, Ayurvedic eating and healing, art and creative pursuits, gardening, quiet time in nature, reading, real conversations, quality time with loved ones, alone time, positivity. All of these things add up to me. They are very connected. They are all key ingredients in my growth, and when combined they become a single whole of self-knowing.

For the first time in my life, more often than not I feel contented and connected. It's less about external circumstances and more about the calm of knowing and accepting myself. It's fleeting and takes conscious work, and more than a little vulnerability, but I wouldn't wish to be anywhere else. It feels freeing.

[ know yourself: digital illustration by ginger deverell ]


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